Honestly, I know no more responses are being given to your question, but I wanted to say that I wish I had a perfect answer. Matter fact, I used to have all the perfect answers... for other people. It was until my, now, ex husband cheated on me... then raped me that I had no more advice to give anyone. Am I bitter with him? I don't think so. I would say that I feel more betrayed and used. Of all people, my own husband whom I put total trust in started acting different and then I find that he was cheating.
Soon after the paper work was started for the divorce. We lived in same new home we had bought 7 months before this mess started. He'd come home and expect things to be done the same as when we were married. (i.e, cooked meals that he often didn't eat, sex, etc) Honestly, I couldn't bare to do these things for this man anymore... knowing he was cheating and we were getting a divorce. He came home unexpectedly one night and caught me off guard while I was alseep.
I moved out the following night while he was at work cause I couldn't bare to be raped again. You see, I've been raped before... more than once and yes, I told him about my past. I don't know if he done it to really hurt me knowing I may not tell anyone or he done it because his words often said to me was, "You have to have sex with me, you're my wife and it's legal."
Am I bitter? No ma'am. Just hurt cause I loved my husband, it was my first marriage and I was in my early 30's.
Am I afraid to trust? Yes, and I don't know how to fix it because he never told me why he cheated so, if it was me... I don't know what to fix about myself.
Personally, I don't think some women get over being hurt. If so, different situations respond to different things.
I'm now a mother of an 11 year old I adopted 2 years ago. I have my own home and I'm 3 years and 8 months away from retiring from the US Army and currently deployed to Iraq. I have no man in my life and no family other than my son. Yes, it bothers me sometimes being alone like this, but what get me through so many rough and tough situations is strong faith in God. I'm blessed to be alive and thankful.
Um, I hope this helped in some way. If not, I'm so sorry it didn't.
Oh My God!!!! You guys do not have enough time or email space for my response to this. Whew! I started laughing as soon as I saw the Post. My biggest offense was "lying".
"Hi honey, I don't feel good. Could you please come over"?
And then have the nerve to be strategically stretched across the bed to secure sympathy (or lust). Or, a little jealousy would sit in my belly and I would make sure that he knew that I was either approached or desired by someone else - and I would say it as in passing to create jealousy in him or to watch his reaction (although these instances were true, I lied to myself as to why I made the comment in the first place). I thank God that I no longer play those games but I do have to admit, not too long ago, I thought about doing something of the lying nature to gain some sort of attention.
It was fleeting and I asked God to forgive me and moved on.
I've noticed that if you just wait on the Lord, you will get all the attention you want from whomever you wish and it is even one hundred times better than anything you could have done because you know it is coming from your man's heart and you did not manipulate the situation. Thanks for letting me share that sorted part of my life (smile).
As a child of our Heavenly Father, an African-American business woman and someone who has been hurt by what comes out of the mouth of a man I've loved before his proverbial foot followed, I have found that it is vital to know your worth. As God has shown me to love your neighbor as yourself and has given me the gift of loving unconditionally and the law of allowing, I have learned to take a deep breath and assess the situation (i.e., who and why they say what they say or do). I've walked away from a 14-year marriage because my feelings were constantly being hurt by my husband's actions of substance abuse and selfishness, as an example, because I knew that I did not deserve to be treated wrongfully and I did not want my very impressionable daughters to see any acceptance of that behavior. On the other hand, currently, I have been in a 16-year relationship with someone and although he has hurt my feelings on occasion, it would always follow with an apology and the overall relationship is very good. I believe that you have to determine for yourself when these hurtful feelings are a sign of abuse or just a sign of being a fallable human being who is basically a good person but puts that proverbial foot-in-the-mouth disease. Harboring resentment or bitterness is poison to your system so I believe that you should walk away if this feeling presents itself often. You start with prayer, communication and understanding. If you cannot accomplish peace within yourself and your surroundings due to the ill-willed mouth of another, whether he is your husband, significant other or friend, it has been my experience to walk away, continue to love yourself and then align yourself with someone or a few someones who are positive. Be blessed.
My friends and I have been laughing/crying about some of the stupid things we have done to get our mates' attention. Communication is a problem that most couples have. What things have you done that you wish you could take back...or that you learned a lesson from?
Lots of prayer. But before you get there, in my humble opinion and from my experience, you have to be grounded within yourself. Yes, we are human and we feel. But when you consider the source, you begin to slowly not let what he says get to the very core of your being, thus changing yourself. It takes awhile, but envision him as someone who you cannot identify with, an alien....each time he belittles you. My husband used to always him and haw or say that I did not use my common sense because I took the long way, as opposed to his shortcut. I let is get to me, then I took a hard look at him. First, he did not have a car, second he could walk. After that each time he chimed in, I would say...you have other options instead of riding w/me. Then, I would turn up the radio or humm a tune. Dooodadoodadooo. Know, girl I do not give him or his comments a second thought.
Peace is what I have. I do not let his storms become my own.
